https://hbr.org/2016/12/4-ways-to-control-your-emotions-in-tense-moments

The first thing I do when struck by an overpowering feeling or impulse is to accept responsibility for its existence. My mental script is, “This is about me, not about that or them.”
 

Emotions are the result of both what happens, and of the story you tell yourself about what happened.
 

As I asked, “What is the right thing to do…” I felt an immediate release from resentment and anger. A calming humility emerged. And, I began to ask questions rather than present my defense.
 

“This can’t hurt me” and “Humility is strength not weakness” had an immediate calming effect. Reciting a specific script in moments of emotional provocation weakens trauma-induced reaction that is not relevant in the present moment.

http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20160906-how-rude-the-secret-to-smart-interrupting

Be constructive

Be polite

Be clear and concise

Use disclaimers

http://psychcentral.com/lib/11-hints-for-resolving-relationship-irritations/

1. Get to the real issue. it boils down to “unmet needs
 
2. Consider if it really bothers you. Try to let it go and see how that goes
 
3. Don’t dismiss a key issue for you. If “you’re dreaming about it, and you’re thinking about it, you’ll have to talk about it,”
 
4. Use the softened startup.
 
5. Be patient.
 
6. Push through the avoidance. staying conflict-free isn’t a marker of a happy relationship
 
7. Listen, don’t fix. Before you talk about the solutions, make sure you both understand each other and your core concerns.
 
8. Collaborate on a solution.
 
9. Don’t focus on the fiery feelings. “Anger, frustration or irritation may be there, but those are not the most important feelings. The more important feelings will be something softer and more vulnerable like anxiety, fear, hurt or sadness.”
 
10. Set up some structure.
 
11. Get help.